Recent Things That Are Happening
I guess this is just a little update. Re-reading and editing this has been tricky. I began with voice-to-text, and then edited. But to me it feels disjointed and a bit weird.
Anyway..
Content notice: health, food, nutrition
It's a Sunday morning, and I've just had a nice latte. I'm sitting here in my flat by the window, all my windows are wide open, and I have the fan on blast trying to get some cooler air in.
The Wave Crashes
We just had a massive heat wave here in the UK. And it's totally messed me up.
I was doing okay for a few days. And I hadn't really made any extra concessions to the extra heat. Just the normal ones. I kind of carried on as normal, for the most part.
Until a couple of days ago, I started suffering it really bad. I'm realising now that I've totally overcooked myself. And I've put myself in the situation where I have to rest, and I have to cancel things.
If I don't, I feel like I'm gonna have a bad time.
So I'm clearing my schedule. Today and tomorrow.
Yucky. Yucky heat. I have never liked it.
Mum 💜
My mum is in hospital again. She became ill quite suddenly around three weeks ago. After a week she was admitted to hospital.
I've only seen her a couple of times in all that time. And my heart is aching for her. For what she's going through. But also for myself. Because I miss her, and this always reminds me of some really hard times when she's been poorly in the past
This is something our family has been experiencing for my whole life. It's been really hard on her. But hard on us all too.
Hard for me as a kid.
Last year, out of the blue, after many years of wellness and stability she had another episode. It blindsided us, we didn't see it coming.
And I really went into a kind of personal suffering and grief over the situation. For a long time.
She was ill for a long time and she went through a lot during that time. Stuff she needn't have gone through.
But in the last couple of days she is already making some progress and will most likely be transferred to a specialised unit in the coming days (or weeks) that can care for her properly whilst she recovers.
She's a really strong lady, but she's been through so much in her life. A lot of awful stuff.
But when she's poorly, she's not really here. She's somewhere else, going through a lot of that stuff.
Over the last few years, we've become quite close in a lot of ways and I have really come to cherish and rely on our relationship, rely on her.
So when she ‘goes away’, I miss her in a way I never have done before.
I just want her to be okay. I want her to be okay for her. But I also want her to be okay for me. It sounds a bit selfish, but I think it’s okay to say it, because it’s true.
Community Support
Things are going quite well in a group at my Support Centre that I’m attending.
It’s a nice little group for people with a shared neurodiverse experience.
I’ve been finding it really good to connect with people like me, in that way.
Recently, I’ve been finding it really hard to get to the Support Centre. I’ve spent the last few months isolating and being unable to socialise. But I kind of forced myself to go and I haven’t regretted it. I feel really positive about it.
But it’s brought up a lot of questions about my diagnosis. Questions that I’m investigating right now.
Health Niggles and the Ultimate Nutritional Solution
Another thing I’ve been doing is trying to address some minor health concerns.
Just little niggles, aches and pains that I’ve kind of grown over the last couple of years.
Getting older is weird. Things change but sometimes slowly enough that you don’t really notice.
Until for me I gradually (kind of) suddenly realised that these little aches and pains and niggles might be pointing to some developing concerns.
And somehow I found some motivation and inspiration to actually address them.
I guess it's easy to find motivation when it's no longer a maybe-later-problem but a now-problem.
I have made some quite radical changes to my diet. And I’m still feeling my way through it.
The first thing I did was I cut most treats. All the little savoury snacks, sweet treats, and other things I know are not good for me.
After a few days of that I started introducing food that has high nutritional value, into my diet.
After a couple of weeks I was noticing some really beneficial effects. And an ever-so-slight reduction in the little niggles and aches and pains.
I had also lost a bit of weight.
Feeling very encouraged, I have been continuing to research and feel inspired to introduce new habits.
The research side of things is a little bit of a minefield though. So I'm going very slowly. I'm avoiding sensationalist information, stuff that feels a little bit too good to be true. And I'm trying to learn what these people are saying a little bit for my own understanding.
I'm doing my best to really feel in my body what's right for me and if something is actually working or not. I think I'm doing okay. I'm feeling very encouraged and gaining a little confidence in that regard.
I’m hoping to step up my exercise a little bit too. But unfortunately, I have a bit of a poorly foot right now and there’s not much I can do otherwise I’ll make it worse. And the heat is also very restrictive.
But I think in a way, this is good. I’ve proven to myself that I can improve my health through nutrition alone. And I don’t have to feel overwhelmed by the idea of introducing an exercise regimen.
The changes I’ve made so far are very manageable. They don’t involve anything too difficult. Not difficult to understand, and not difficult to implement. Not exotic, or hard to source solutions. Everything is easily available and accessible.
The main hurdle for me is the comfort that I’ve always taken from food. And how the most comforting of foods are now gone.
Someone said to me something like “(unfortunately) it's a hug in a snack". And that's it exactly. That's the problem.
One of the benefits of these nutritional changes is that the issue of satiety is addressed to some extent. At least in the physical sense.
And that really helps. It's like it meets me half way. And what I'm left with is purely just the emotional stuff. Rather than a complex, messy mix of unmet nutritional needs as well as emotional issues.
Of course, there’s some kind of emotional component and trauma component to it all. But I am always doing that work anyway. I’ll probably speak about that stuff another time.
I think my body has been asking me for help and I have not been listening very well.
Another part of it is not fixating on numbers, or overly monitoring progress.
I've decided on a twice monthly check-in, when data will be gathered. But most importantly are the moment to moment check-ins where I am personally showing up for myself and listening to my body.
I am learning to listen to my body, just a little better each day. What more can I expect from myself?
Having some numbers to prove that I've lost a little bit of weight or some other statistic has improved is nice but that's not a good reason to do it.
That’s it. Over and out..